i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
