im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
