goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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