my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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