I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
