We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize