i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
