You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
