Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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