please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
