i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
