so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize