and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
