i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pants are for mortals
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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