Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
