I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
