I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
