Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
