He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
