omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
