I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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