I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
