I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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