He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
