You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i now understand why vodka
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
