Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
