Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
