I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
