It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
