if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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