oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
