Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
