i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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