So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
