i think my tv is drunk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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