Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
