Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
