apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will pee on everything he values.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
