I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
