i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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