The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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