I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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