I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
