Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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