not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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