her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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