shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
