woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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