i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
