I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
