The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
