if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
