Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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