I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
