Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize