There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
