youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
