I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
