Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
