It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
