whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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