Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
