Have you finally orgasmed yet?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The Olympian is in my bed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
