I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
