mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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