I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
