my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
