Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
high people should be assigned attendants
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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