Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
