I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
