I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
