I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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