Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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