You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
