apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i drank out of a bidet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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