Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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