Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
